


A Human Emotion Such As Love

by jensenisafallenangel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cas Talks to AU!Cas, Castiel in the Bunker, First Kiss, Implied Sexual Content, Love Confessions, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker, Nothing explicit, but its about to happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-04 16:50:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14597406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jensenisafallenangel/pseuds/jensenisafallenangel
Summary: Canon-divergent, taking place between episodes 13x21 and 13x22.The gang is in the alternate universe and before they head home, they meet a familiar face. Cas and his alternate universe version have a chat and Cas can lie about his feelings for Dean to himself but not to...his other self.





	A Human Emotion Such As Love

They knew their time in their alternate universe dwindled but they had to know. They had to know if the man who looked exactly like their Cas was the other version of him.

“Castiel?” Dean asked, feeling the Castiel from his world tense next to him.

“Who wants to know?” other Castiel asked, angel blade drawn. His companions drew theirs as well.

“Dean Winchester,” Dean said. “Answer the question.”

Sam hung back with Mary, Jack and Gabriel. Other Castiel hesitated before answering.

“Yes, I am Castiel,” other Castiel agreed. “How do you know my name and why does he bare a resemblance to me?”

Castiel glared at Cas.

“I’m guessing you both hijacked Jimmy Novak,” Dean said to his Cas.

“What is a Jimmy Novak?” other Castiel asked.

“It’s the poor bastard you’re wearing,” Dean snapped, reminded by this angel of the Cas he first met.

This guy seemed unconcerned the vessel he wore had been a person with a family.

“Dean, if you were never born in this universe, then this other version of me never dragged you out of hell so I never…”

“Never what?” Dean asked his Cas.

Cas didn’t answer him.

Never fell in every way possible, Cas thought.

“I need to talk to Castiel. Alone,” Cas said firmly.

“My brain hurts,” Dean shrugged. “Go nuts. But then we need to leave.”

Dean walked back to the rest of their family and let Cas talk to Castiel which he explained to them as “nine kinds of crazy” but nothing worse than what they’d dealt with before.

“So, we’re both Castiel,” Castiel said, squinting as he wrapped his head around the fact. He motioned for his angels to back off.

“Yes,” Cas agreed. “I helped the Winchesters stop the apocalypse in our world.”

“You went against our kind? For humans?” 

Cas suppressed a smile, familiar with the attitude he used to have before. Before he saved Dean and his life changed.

“These humans are the best ones I’ve ever met and they were right. The apocalypse was wrong and had to be stopped, even if it meant going against other angels.”

Castiel considered Cas’s words and looked over at the Winchesters, Jack and Gabriel. 

“They help the nephilim?” 

“Jack is good. Despite who is father is,” Cas argued.

He had never believed otherwise for one second.

“I don’t understand but I guess he’s your problem now.” 

“He isn’t a problem,” Cas argued before realizing it was a lost cause. “What are you doing here anyways?”

“I’m leading a faction of angels who help humans and we have to move quickly. This apocalypse has gone on long enough and we were never meant to be their murderers.”

Cas saw the similarity between them and held back a smile. He had spoken almost identical words before while trying to protect mankind as he believed angels were truly meant to do. God didn’t create them to be killed.

“One last thing,” Castiel asked. 

Cas waited.

“Your grace feels weak and you smell strongly of humanity. Did you fall?”

Cas looked back at Dean.

“Something like that,” Cas sighed.

“I don’t und…oh. The human. Dean?” Castiel observed. “How does that work, you feeling such a human emotion such as love?”

“He doesn’t know.”

“Oh,” Castiel seemed puzzled.

“It’s complicated,” Cas tried. “It’s…”

“Cas, buddy, we gotta go. Closing rif and saving our world and everything.”

Cas nodded. 

“Goodbye, Cas,” Castiel said. “And consider telling your human how much he means to you. I believe that is what one does in that situation.”

Cas didn’t reply. 

He rejoined the Winchesters, Gabriel and Jack and they made their way back to the rif. With Jack blasting the vampires apart, they got through the tunnel in no time and Gabriel was clearly impressed with the kid.

“Makes me want to have one of my own,” Gabriel said with an eyebrow wiggle.

“Absolutely not,” Sam and Dean said at the same time.

 

Once the gang crashed safely into the bunker in their correct universe and thanked Rowena for figuring out how to keep it open for them, they all decided to crash. The last twenty-four hours beat the crap out of all of them. Plenty of space in the bunker gave everyone a chance to have their own room. 

Gabriel snored like crazy and Sam sounded like he had a nightmare. Once Cas solved the second problem with a wave of his hand, he plopped into a chair in the library. 

He always had known the Winchesters had irreversibly changed him many times over, especially Dean, but he had never known how much until he met a version of himself that had never rescued such a bright soul from Hell. His other version was practically returned to his factory settings.

While rebelling seemed to always be in his nature, this world and Dean had made it a necessity. The right thing and the easy thing rarely lined up which Dean had pointed out to him numerous times. They had fought side by side for years and maybe Cas was reconsidering what Dean meant to him. 

Ishim, the angel, had pointed out Dean was Cas’s human weakness and the other Castiel had confirmed more or less the same thing.

Cas knew having close allies like Sam and Dean made him stronger but caring too much might have clouded his judgment. He didn’t even know how to exactly categorize his feelings. 

Dean walked into the library and Cas’s breath caught and his heart rate sped up. Before learning about humanity and all their quirks, Cas wouldn’t have understood his vessel’s physical reactions. 

He knew better now.

“Dean,” Cas stated. “You need rest. It’s been a horrible day for you. Losing Sam…”

“Kind of don’t want to talk about that, Cas,” Dean said as he sat across from him. “But it did make it hard to sleep. You?”

“Gabriel snores,” Cas said simply, getting Dean to smile. 

Dean let their silence drag out a beat. Cas enjoyed any time with Dean and didn’t have the slightest idea how to bring up what he was thinking about when Dean had walked in.

“What did you and your evil twin talk about?” Dean asked, folding his hands on the table.

“He wasn’t evil he was…”

“Joke, buddy. I was joking,” Dean explained.

“Oh,” Cas said. “He asked about our apocalypse and Jack and said how he’s been helping humans.”

“You always help us little guys eventually,” Dean smirked.

Cas smiled.

“He also asked about why I smelled.”

Dean let out a laugh.

“Why you smelled? Smelled like what exactly? None of us smelled great after going through that tunnel but come on,” Dean said.

“Like humanity.”

Dean gave him a funny look.

“Is that something that angels can smell? How does an angel smell like humanity?” Dean asked.

“By spending a lot of time with them.”

“If other you was helping humans, did he smell like humanity?”

“No,” Cas said.

“Why not?”

“It takes a stronger interaction than close proximity,” Cas tried to explain, not an easy task.

“So the friendship you have with me and Sam?”

“Sort of.”

Dean raised his eyebrows. 

“Care to elaborate?”

“Not really,” Cas said, shifting awkwardly in his seat.

“All right then I’m going back to bed,” Dean shrugged.

Dean got up and walked away from the table. When he got to the doorway of the library, Cas knew he needed to stop him.

“Dean, wait,” he called.

Dean froze and turned around.

Cas stood and walked around the table.

“It’s complicated,” Cas began. “The other version of me… he knew. He knew why I, why we. How come I…”

“Dude, what’s going on?” Dean wanted to know, stepping back into the library.

“It’s deeper than friendship, Dean. It’s…”

“We’ve been through a lot, we’re close. I get it.”

Cas looked down.

“Cas, we’re close enough for me to know when you’re lying.”

“I’m not lying.”

“But you’re not telling the truth. Not all of it.”

Dean crossed his arms and waited for Cas to come clean.

“The smell of humanity was strong to the other version of me because…”

“Because why?” Dean pressed.

“Because I love you!” Cas finally admitted. 

He wanted to look down but he held Dean’s gaze and watched his face turn into a huge shit-eating grin.

“What could possibly be funny?” Cas demanded to know.

“I knew I could get you to say it,” Dean kept grinning.

“What are you talking about? If you knew how I felt, why didn’t you say anything?” Cas snapped.

“I’m sorry, I could hear other-world-you tell actual-you to tell me,” Dean shrugged. “I wanted to know if you would say something or keep it hidden.”

“Well, now you know. And I would like to hide in my room now,” Cas said, attempting to pass by Dean and escape the situation. 

“Hey,” Dean said softly, hand on Cas’s shoulder. “It’s okay. More than okay. One of us had to man up, or angel up whatever, and say it first.”

“What do you mean, first?” Cas squinted his eyes.

“I love you, too,” Dean said like it was obvious.

“How long?” Cas wondered.

“I can’t remember when I didn’t,” Dean admitted.

He leaned in tentatively to kiss Cas who eagerly captured his mouth his own. Dean’s hand on his shoulder squeezed and Cas reached up with both hands to pull Dean closer.

Finally, Cas thought.

Cas could feel Dean put every last lost moment they missed over the years into their kiss and he tried to match it as best he could. 

They broke for air and each laughed softly while they rested their foreheads together.

“We wasted so much time,” Cas said. “Should have said something…”

“You did,” Dean said. “The time you were dying. I was too stubborn to believe you meant that just for me.”

“I did,” Cas agreed. “And I could have died without telling you…”

“You did die,” Dean pointed out. "Later on but still."

“True,” Cas laughed. “But I’m not doing that again. I’m going to keep kissing you forever.”

“Let’s go to my room,” Dean suggested. “No need for anyone to walk in…”

Cas grabbed Dean’s hand and pulled him down the hallway. They giggled all the way to Dean’s room, kicking the door shut behind them.

“Hi,” Dean whispered.

Cas pressed Dean against the door and held him tight, not wanting to be dreaming or have the moment disappear. 

“Hello, Dean.”

Another apocalypse loomed but one always would. For once, they had the night to be alone and enjoy each other and they weren’t missing an opportunity ever again.


End file.
